poetry essay revision, English assignment homework help (3 Pages)

  

1-Hello, the identity essay need a revision and make it longer than three pages. Please do it as good as you can because my grade on it was so low. I’ll submit for you the prompt of the identity essay. And the revision prompt and you done correcting this essay you MUST write a one page reflection. Thank you 2- This is the poetry essay that you wrote for me last week the professor wrote a comments on the paper please revise it again and carefully. I’ll submit the comments and prompt for this one also.
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Daniel Sadnik / English 101 / Spring 2016
Essay One: Identity
As a class we have discussed various interpretations of the term “identity;” now is your
chance to explore and convey how you understand the concept. Is identity deep, spiritual,
and internal—something we are born with? Or is identity more tangible, something we
simply shift and use to influence or connect with others?
Dealing with these ideas, what do you use to define yourself (OR what defines you)? Is it
your language? Your social circle? Nationality? Expression though art? Your idol? A
sport or hobby? A familial role? Your favorite movie? A musical genre?
For this essay, I want you to have some freedom. Identity (by definition) is a personal
topic, and I’d like this assignment to reflect that spirit of personality—you can really
make whatever sort of statement you’d like, so long it is specific and focused.
Simply stated, write an essay about your personal identity. You can use these questions as
guidance: How it was formed? How/why did you embrace this identity? What does this
identity say about you? Was it formed by birth, culture, choice or a mixture? How did
you come to this realization? Use these questions as guidance as you move forward.
This essay can range from a variety of approaches:
 A narrative detailing a moment that defined a part of your identity or shaped who
you are.
 Detailing/analyzing your identity to your audience aka “who I am”
 Focusing on a part of your identity: sports fandom, societal role, etc.
 Surprise me! It’s your paper.
Stipulations for Essay 1:
 Each essay MUST have a clear, identifiable thesis (dominant impression).
 The use of first person (i.e. “I,” “me,” “mine”) is both acceptable and expected in this
essay. Use of the second person (“you,” “your,”) to describe humans in general terms
i.e. “It’s a pain when you have to go to the DMV,” is discouraged.
 With your approach, make sure you are comfortable talking about it with your peers.
 Each essay must be at least 3-5 pages in length, and in proper MLA format. Any
paper not meeting the length requirements will lose significant points.
 Each essay must have a centered creative title. Do not underline it. And please make
the most of it—do not just call this essay “Bowling,” or “Essay 1.” Please.
Due Dates
Peer Review (bring two copies of your draft to class): 2/24
Final Draft: 2/26 before class on TITANium
Aljabr 1
Mohammed Aljabr
Daniel Sadnik
English 101
2/25/2016
My Identity
Personal identity is the impression one develops about him themselves that changes over
the course the individual’s life. When a question of my identity is posed, I usually take this as an
opportunity to distinguish and express who I am and who I can be. I am not a complicated youth
who thinks that the universe is against me, nor am I am refined “know- it- all” who doesn’t take
a moment to listen to my environs. I can’t say I’m similar to all other youths since several things
make me a special person. What I can say is that I am day by day creating a happier future for
myself. In this essay, I will express my identity, how I achieved this character and also explain
when and how I came to realize it. Particularly, I will elaborate more on my love of sports, my
pick of music and the philosophies that I live my life on.
I have been identified as having a bubbly and energetic character. I like to smile and always make an effort to share my joy with the people that I interact with. Having a helpful hand
has been my trait since childhood. Helping other people brings happiness to me; so unavoidably,
I have provided assistance to many people without expecting compensation. For example, I volunteer in several charitable groups in college and the entire community. Since childhood, my
parents have maintained four visits a year to various children’s’ homes. Therefore, I have emulated this nature of theirs to assist the disadvantaged in the society because it excites me to help the
community.
Aljabr 2
I can recall very well when I received an invitation to represent several charity organizations in our region. Consequently, I planned various activities and suggested them to other representatives with a lot of passion, but they could hear nothing of the matter. None of them was
willing to cooperate and that evening when I got back home disappointed I closed myself off in
my room. I felt so dispirited and disheartened like I was worthless and not supposed to have been
selected. That is when dad walked in with his usual bag which contained his significant documents particularly, motivational books. He suggested that I read some of them, which I found to
be of great help. From these books, I learnt a lot about life, its various challenges and how to face
adversaries. My weaknesses, strengths, opportunities and threats had been opened up to me, and
a new feel of life had been planted. Notably, the above mentioned are my strongest abilities all
because of the skills of life that my dad taught me through his motivational books and; therefore,
he is the source of my encouragement.
My future objectives and achievements are very vital to me. I don’t want a situation
where I will just say I graduated from college; I would like to say that I achieved all my goals.
Apart from developing my career, I am optimistic that in the college, I will learn a lot about basic
life skills. I can comfortably say that in the period of my schooling up to this level, I have positively impacted my life. I can relate to people from other cultures as well as understand body
language if we may happen to have a language barrier. Today, I have learnt to accept the diversity of the universe which makes it unique and beautiful. With my unwavering ambition and enthusiastic personality, I will struggle to be better than the person that I am today.
I usually try to make ample leisure time for relatives, friends, and co-curriculum activities like sports. My favorite sports are swimming, table tennis and football. Swimming is a relaxing activity for me. I find myself to have perfected it. At first, when I was being introduced to
Aljabr 3
it by my elder brother, I was so nervous and never thought it would be my best sport. As I continued to practice with his help, I came to love the game and today I am usually identified by it
as I help my peers to perfect their swimming skills. I also like dancing, but just to have fun. Although I am not a good dancer, I usually associate with those who are better at it so as to learn
from them. My love for dancing is significantly increasing as I advance in education and meet
people from different cultures which have various genres of music. I try to incorporate sports
and other fun activities besides school work in my schedule since it is significant in order to be
well-rounded as a person and also, to maintain body fitness.
My upbringing has played a vital role in the values that I have developed and also in
making me the person that I am today. Having my relatives who always struggle for the best in
life in the Middle East has had a great impact on me. Being that I was taken out of my luxury
division and had to migrate in search of education, it is hard for me to show weakness or defeat. I
am hardworking and very concerned with my objectives in life. “Who am I?” is a query that I
have been attempting to respond to in my entire life. It appears to be a never- ending question
since I find myself to be determined to be more than I am. However, My future is to keep an eye
on my studies and to graduate with best grades possible my logo in life is to work hard and never
stopping working hard this is the way that people can enjoy the rest of their life. My future goal
will be graduating from university and finding a suitable career that I can enjoy it while working
the way to built myself up is to enjoy the work I do and finding myself in this institution.
Aljabr 4
Mohammed,
Overall, there is a solid foundation to your paper. I like how you focused on the influence of your volunteer experiences and educational experience shape your identity. Even
with all this good info, you were under the minimum page requirements. Moving forward,
take your time in-text to supply examples that help emphasize the statements that you
make about yourself. This will help visualize your ideas to the reader, creating a more vivid
look at your identity. Furthermore, look at the ideas in your paper and the thesis that currently exists in your paper. Make your thesis reflects the ideas that appear throughout your
paper. The comments about will help you build on your already solid foundation.
Grade: 73/100
English 101 / Spring 2016
Daniel Sadnik
Revision Assignment (Optional)
Revision is a concept that can easily get glossed over. Many times it is seen simply as
correcting grammar and fixing typos. However, since writing is process (invention-draftingredrafting), looking over your paper is extremely important when developing ideas to the best
that they can be. The revision assignment has two parts:
1. Choose one of the essays from this semester (identity, review, technology) and create
another draft. Keep the comments on your previous draft in mind when focusing on
revision. Additional concepts to consider while revising: how concrete is the thesis
statement? Were there any underdeveloped ideas? Are there any portions that felt
tangential? Any areas where you or a reader felt were unclear?
2. In addition to revising one essay, write a 1-2 page refection on your process during this
assignment. Questions to consider: What guided you to make specific changes? How did
this process cause you think about work that you turned in before? What did you learn
about yourself as a writer while working on the revision? For this part think of it as a
more organized writing reflection that we write in class.
The grade you receive on the revision will be averaged with the original grade. The
revision is completely optional, but can make a difference in final grades.
Stipulations for revision:
 Each essay must be at least 3-5 pages in length, and in proper MLA format. Any paper
not meeting the page requirements will lose points.
 Think of this as an overhaul of your paper. Simply fixing grammatical errors will not
result in an increased grade. Focus on your ideas.
 For more information about revision check out Understanding Rhetoric 218-241
If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask.
Good Luck!
Due: Anytime between now and 5/18 by 4:00PM via TITANium
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